Good evening (it’s actually pretty late) from cold and snowy Wisconsin,

I am sitting on the couch in my living room and have been working on stuff for the second semester the last few days. It always seems there is so much to do. I am always amused by those who say they should teach because we get all this time off. Such a crock . . . I spend my breaks writing and trying to publish, revamping my courses and trying to be more efficient using the technology that is a central part of teaching here at the university.

It has been very cold since New Year’s and the few days before that I managed to get a serious backend kicking due to a bout of the flu. Ended up in the ER getting fluids, which is not that uncommon for me when I get the flu, the reason being a seriously modified digestive system as a long term result of Crohn’s Disease. It is hard to believe I have fought this for almost half my life. Over all I have been very blessed though. I know a person at the university that is suffering quite terribly at the present time because of it.

Tomorrow and the next day I am already in meetings trying to work on things in D2L, our course delivery tool and in helping create a seminar about Online Teaching which will be part of professional development week. Even though I am beginning my third year using Desire to Learn, I am not as well verses as I would like to be. I will be employing the assistance of my one of the most talented of the D2L team. She is a guru and I think understands the needs of the user  better than some others. She is also prompt about working through problems, which is very helpful.

I am beginning the year with a rather pensive look at a number of things. I think it is perhaps I am a little tired or wore down. I am feeling like I have left myself open to too many things and what I see as a result is some hurt in store. Not that I want to avoid people at all cost, that is not in my nature, but I am tired of the politics of humanity. I am tired of people who say they care, but it is merely because it is the appropriate thing to say, it is not truthful. I appreicated the call from California before Christmas and a sense of honesty and sadness that was in the message, but I know there is very little likelihood of change. I am glad I cared, and I still do, but I will do so in a manner that is more reasonable and acceptable for me personally. Is that selfishness or is it wisdom? I wonder.

I am reminded of Homer Well’s statement in the movie, The Cider House Rules."Maybe we’ll just wait and see, and if we do that long enough, maybe no one will have to do anything." Sitting on the fence has never been a strong point of mine. At one point, I noted that I am the person who always asked the question "Why?" I needed to figure things out. I wonder if I can be a person who sits and waits? I think I might try it for a while and see how it goes. Reclusiveness, again, has never been something of which I might be accused, but I might try it. It will be a sort of safety mechanism.

I have never been one to make resolutions, but if I were to resolve something, it might be to find some kind of balance. I think that lack of balance has been what has created an atmosphere where I am susceptable to the flu, another evening in the ER with Crohn’s flare up and a general pissy attitude about some things. What is it that is out of balance? That is an important question for me to ponder. I think it is learning to take care of myself both emotionally and spiritually and that has been lacking. I wish I could figure out the best way in which I might do that and do it simply.

Some thoughts as we head into the new year:

Wondering might be a good thing, but does it get in the way of my experiencing the moment??

Why is it that people move in and out of our lives so easily or frequently? Is it supposed to be so we experience more things?

Why does it seem that even the best of intentions, when put into an organization or system, often end all screwed up, and those who should be helped are often maligned?

As we head into an election year, will the country really take stock of where we are in the world (which I find really depressing) and choose a path that will make the United States a respected member of the world community again? ( I sure the hell hope so!!)

I wonder if I really had any idea what the world would be like when I was 52 (where I am) when I was a high school senior? Do I have any idea what it will be like in even 10 years from now??

I wonder if I will be some old single eccentric crazy professor when I grow old who wanders around and gets frustrated with the world?

And after my experiences the last few days. . . . what the hell helped to good customer service?? The next time I hear the bartender that the Logjam call a customer "dude," I think I will just tell him to "shut the fuck up!!"

And with that Happy New Year.

Michael