Traveling and Pondering

Hello from Door County,

Yesterday as I was driving across Wisconsin, as is often the case when I drive, I think, ponder, reflect and remember. Sometimes without any music in my car, and sometimes it is the music that causes me to remember. A Joe Walsh tune sparked my memory yesterday of probably my best friend if I look at my half+ century of life. So I called him on the cell phone and we chatted, at least as well as Cellular One’s coverage would allow.

His mother is still alive and in her late eighties and ironically, our fathers were good friends and died within three months of each other. Well, one ponder led to another and I realized that at 52 I have lived twice as long as my brother did. He was 26, and I remember that seemed so old; now it seems even younger and more tragic to pass so prematurely. But, he had so many responsibilities already. He was married and had three small children. That seems so different to me now.

I am in Door County to preach and lead an adult class for a seminary classmate. It is always nice to come over here; the only unfortunate thing is that they are usually gone when I come so I rarely see them. Preaching is such an amazing task and opportunity, and responsibility. I do believe much as the political landscape of the day, people want strong preaching and teaching in their churches. They want to exercise both their hearts and their heads. And I believe that is what God wants. As I often say, God gave us a brain to do more than hold our ears apart. Faith is like a muscle, we must exercise it and argue with it and struggle with it; not in a way that says I don’t have it, but rather what do I do with it. How does it work??

Today, I will drive back to Menomonie, so have the time of being in Door County will be getting here and home. So it is. This morning, I have on those clothes that I wore every week for about 10 years. It is almost ten years since I am no longer technically ordained. Interesting how we remember times, events and places. What are your memories today and how are they part of who you are? How do they inform and affect what you do?

I hope all is well and I will write again this coming week. Thanks as always for reading.

Michael

POSTED BY Administrator ON 01.27.08 @ 1:47 pm | 0 Comments

New Beginnings or Merely Retreading??

Hello from the corner of my study,

It is only the first couple days of classes and already the amount of "snafus" which have occurred, and unfortunately seem to be a constant first week of the semester companion have come again!! The one thing I could imagine as being worse at this point would have to be one of the D2L administrators on campus. While it is not their fault-it is further up the line-the amount of crap they have probably had to put up with during this week would be horrendous!!!My hat is off to them and my heart certainly feels pain for them.

It has been cold here in Northern Wisconsin and it is supposed to be really cold (15- or so) tonight. It is also amazing clear and there is a slight breeze which will make it even colder. I do love the beauty of the snow and the brilliance of the moon on the lake. Today was the second day of the semester, but my first new day of class. Wow!! I spent literally 100s of hours working in D2L, the course delivery tool over the break, I do hope it will make a difference in the work of the semester, but more importantly it will assist my students. I received the most uplifting email from a parent today about her young person who I had in class last semester. She wrote, "

On more than one occasion, I have listened to [my _______] express how you have made a difference in life.  Without you, ___ would have been a mere hamster on a wheel.  You stopped the wheel, you stopped time, and you gave ____ a chance to catch her breath. Your generosity in putting responsibilities in your class "second" to other Stout courses at the time, said that you cared about ____ over all health. As a teacher for the past 35 years specializing in children, I appreciate you being in ____ life. I congratulate Stout for hiring such a person. Thank you for all that you do, for every student, and for each day that you are teaching more than English."
Wow!! That makes it all worth it. Regardless of the long hours and the seeming lack of care or response from administration, this is why I believe I was called to be a professor. It is an email like this one that makes me believe that what I do matters and is honorable. The administration tells us they believe what we do matters, but so many times it only seems like hollow words because they seem to add more on with no appreication for what we already do and expect that we can keep doing so much with so little . . .  no release time, no prep time, a negligible raise at best, and the list could go on. Please do not misunderstand my intent here. I am glad to work and be here, but to pretend that all is okay and that we have no concerns or morale issues is disrespectful of the hard work that people do. It pretend that what is done is always reasonable and does not go far beyond what is normal under values both the contribution made and  it under values or discounts the humanity of the people who put in such effort. I should note there are some administrators who do understand; so this concern or diatribe is not about all.
I wanted to get to California and back to the vineyard before the semester, but it did not happen. Too much work to get ready for the Spring Semester. I would also like to have finished a couple other things, but somehow, I ran out of time. There was another positive in the last week; I received an email from a publisher in Germany and they want to publish my dissertation into a scholarly monograph. I was amazed, but pleased. I wrote back and now I have a couple things to do, but that should be off in the next couple days.
There is much more and I haven’t even really gotten into where I thought I was going in this entry. What I do know is that I am grateful for John Achter, a colleague and fellow member of my church. I need to follow up on some things there. I am sad about how distance, both near and far, has seemed to strain or sever acquaintances or what I hoped were friendships. Sometimes, how it all happens does not make sense to me. However, I almost always take it personally. That is one of my frailties  . . .  my most profound weaknesses. I know from where it comes and most times I keep it at bay, but lately, I feel, certainly not because I enjoy it, like it all doesn’t really matter. I am grateful that God is more compassionate than we. I base my very hope and faith on that belief.
Well, it is late and I am tired. I need to get a few hours sleep at least.
Thanks for reading,
Michael

POSTED BY Administrator ON 01.24.08 @ 4:58 am | 0 Comments

2008

Good evening (it’s actually pretty late) from cold and snowy Wisconsin,

I am sitting on the couch in my living room and have been working on stuff for the second semester the last few days. It always seems there is so much to do. I am always amused by those who say they should teach because we get all this time off. Such a crock . . . I spend my breaks writing and trying to publish, revamping my courses and trying to be more efficient using the technology that is a central part of teaching here at the university.

It has been very cold since New Year’s and the few days before that I managed to get a serious backend kicking due to a bout of the flu. Ended up in the ER getting fluids, which is not that uncommon for me when I get the flu, the reason being a seriously modified digestive system as a long term result of Crohn’s Disease. It is hard to believe I have fought this for almost half my life. Over all I have been very blessed though. I know a person at the university that is suffering quite terribly at the present time because of it.

Tomorrow and the next day I am already in meetings trying to work on things in D2L, our course delivery tool and in helping create a seminar about Online Teaching which will be part of professional development week. Even though I am beginning my third year using Desire to Learn, I am not as well verses as I would like to be. I will be employing the assistance of my one of the most talented of the D2L team. She is a guru and I think understands the needs of the user  better than some others. She is also prompt about working through problems, which is very helpful.

I am beginning the year with a rather pensive look at a number of things. I think it is perhaps I am a little tired or wore down. I am feeling like I have left myself open to too many things and what I see as a result is some hurt in store. Not that I want to avoid people at all cost, that is not in my nature, but I am tired of the politics of humanity. I am tired of people who say they care, but it is merely because it is the appropriate thing to say, it is not truthful. I appreicated the call from California before Christmas and a sense of honesty and sadness that was in the message, but I know there is very little likelihood of change. I am glad I cared, and I still do, but I will do so in a manner that is more reasonable and acceptable for me personally. Is that selfishness or is it wisdom? I wonder.

I am reminded of Homer Well’s statement in the movie, The Cider House Rules."Maybe we’ll just wait and see, and if we do that long enough, maybe no one will have to do anything." Sitting on the fence has never been a strong point of mine. At one point, I noted that I am the person who always asked the question "Why?" I needed to figure things out. I wonder if I can be a person who sits and waits? I think I might try it for a while and see how it goes. Reclusiveness, again, has never been something of which I might be accused, but I might try it. It will be a sort of safety mechanism.

I have never been one to make resolutions, but if I were to resolve something, it might be to find some kind of balance. I think that lack of balance has been what has created an atmosphere where I am susceptable to the flu, another evening in the ER with Crohn’s flare up and a general pissy attitude about some things. What is it that is out of balance? That is an important question for me to ponder. I think it is learning to take care of myself both emotionally and spiritually and that has been lacking. I wish I could figure out the best way in which I might do that and do it simply.

Some thoughts as we head into the new year:

Wondering might be a good thing, but does it get in the way of my experiencing the moment??

Why is it that people move in and out of our lives so easily or frequently? Is it supposed to be so we experience more things?

Why does it seem that even the best of intentions, when put into an organization or system, often end all screwed up, and those who should be helped are often maligned?

As we head into an election year, will the country really take stock of where we are in the world (which I find really depressing) and choose a path that will make the United States a respected member of the world community again? ( I sure the hell hope so!!)

I wonder if I really had any idea what the world would be like when I was 52 (where I am) when I was a high school senior? Do I have any idea what it will be like in even 10 years from now??

I wonder if I will be some old single eccentric crazy professor when I grow old who wanders around and gets frustrated with the world?

And after my experiences the last few days. . . . what the hell helped to good customer service?? The next time I hear the bartender that the Logjam call a customer "dude," I think I will just tell him to "shut the fuck up!!"

And with that Happy New Year.

Michael

POSTED BY Administrator ON 01.03.08 @ 5:44 am | 0 Comments