Good Afternoon at the end of October,

It is the second to last day of October and it was almost 70. It is amazing to have such a day this late in the year. Tomorrow the high is supposed to be what the temperature wsa this morning. I really do like the seasons and having the changes that occur. There is a certain predictability to all of it and those moments remind me of earlier moments in my life. If the bike would have been ready, I might even have considered one quick ride to end the season. Instead, my season still officially ended on September 8th at about 4:00 p.m. on a rural Wisconsin highway.

School continues to consume me, and there is more truth to that than I would like there to be. I have been teased from time to time when some ask if I have a life besides school. I am not sure I do. I cram other things in during the small breaks, but all in all, school is much more than a full time job. I would imagine I spend about 70 hours a week at the minimum and other weeks involve even more. I sometimes wish I taught in one of those disciplines where you can do "bubbleform" tests, but writing is not that way. In spite of that, I do this because I really do like it. I love when the light goes on and someone figures it out. One of my former students stopped by today and she is such a breath of fresh aire (yes like the Mannheim Steamroller aire).

I got a card in the mail today from California; it is one of those blessing and curse things because I know there is so little I can actually do to change anything there. I guess any support makes a difference and that is important in the big picture of things. I want to visit again soon and we’ll have to see what happens in that way. My "relative-of-a-relative" told me that she does not need me to write for her anymore (that is a long story into which I will not venture out of respect for all involved), so I have less reasons to visit, but I really do appreciate the workers in the vineyard. They too are very committed to the wine and the entire enology of Miraflores. I will argue more than some others that should be as committed. So I will visit those for whom I have developed a great appreciation.

It is hard to believe that we are close to the beginning of the holiday season (barely a month away). It is quite amazing how quickly this year has gone by. But when I think of the holidays I have some of my fondest memories. My grandmother, Louise Lynam, taught me so much about the spirit of giving and what it means to care for and love others. She was an amazing woman and she is my heroine. It is hard to believe that she died just over 30 years ago. I have a picture of her on my desk here in my office, which is where I am writing this posting. She always demonstrated her love for me, even when she was disappointed or disapproved of something I might have done. She was smart, elegant, and gifted. I wish I could tell her what I think of her now, but in my piety, I believe she knows. I wish I could show her where I live and what has happened in my life, both the triumphs and the failures.

The picture today is of my good friend, Tom, who is a deputy sheriff up in the U.P. He is an amazing man. He also has season tickets to the Packers and I am going to a game in a few weeks. We had a good frost about a week ago, so indeed, leaves are falling quickly and the stark contrast of summer greens and fall reds, oranges, and yellows, are turning to brown and somewhat gray, but there is a different beauty in that. Indeed, I am fortunate to be where I am; to have the job I have; and to be blessed with the friends with which I have been blessed. I hope all is well with you as you read this and as always, if you want to write back and comment, please do.

Michael

Hello from Wisconsin,

It is a beautiful fall afternoon as I write this. I have done a number of things for the weekend including driving, studying, shopping, writing, and relaxing. I am continually amazed at how fast life seems to move through and beyond us. I remember my grandmother and my father saying how things would go faster. That is certainly true.

I am in the 5th year at Stout. That is almost unbelievable because it will be the longest I have lived in one place since high school. I am sort of an intinerate person. What is it that gives a person a "sense of place?" This is a question that has haunted me for most of my life. Is it from being adopted? Is it because I am so close to others in some ways and yet so distant in others??

There are times that I wish I had an immediate family, but most often I am pretty content to be alone. Is it because it is safer? Is it because it gives me control (at least so it seems) of my situation? So it is that I am plugging along. I am not sure where it will all lead, and perhaps I do not really need to know. I am quite sure that this is not exactly where I thought I would be at this point in my life, but then again, I do not know that I had any idea where I would be.

Since I was in California the last time, more things have come into focus. Fortunately, I have some people that sort of watch out for me. Between Criss, the manager of Starbucks on Main, Gretchen, one of the people I met this summer, even though she might not realize it, and a couple workers at the winery, I have learned a great deal. There are two instances or situations that I am learning to manage.

First is the winery and the work I was doing there. I am disappointed in anyone who feels they can use another person, and not because it was me, but rather in principle. There are many hard workers there, but if you are going to treat everyone with respect, you need to respect there time and schedules. To not do so can be interpreted as their time does not matter. That is what I learned in one instance.

The second instance is the issue about which I have intimated many things. I am not sure what all the pieces are yet, but something does not seem to be reasonable. While I think there are a number of nuances, I am not sure what is completely truthful. This is where I am fortunate enough to have the insight and input of others. I know that I have some options in my life, and it is because other have helped that I am where I am.

Some of my thoughts at this point:

No one owes you anything, you need to work for it; you need to earn it.

My father was certainly one of the most brilliant individuals I have ever known.

While I love teaching and working with my colleagues, America on the whole does not value education.

Sometimes it is much easier to be on your own and alone; it is also safer.

Just when you think you might have it figured out, be careful because the light at the end of the tunnel is probably another train.

I am blessed because I have real friends, a reasonable job and security in my life.

All-in-all, from that Lutheran and reformation background, all we have on which we can count is our faith . . .  and so in the graciousness and grace of the Almighty, I have a fortress.

Best to you and thanks for reading.

Michael

Good afternoon from the Pawn (a little food place on UW-Stout’s campus)

What constitutes predictable? That is my thing over which I must spend sometime musing today. I began the semester more prepared that I had ever been. However, as you know, within 72 hours I managed to have pretty serious motorcycle accident. Life since then has been anything but predictable. While the Harley did not sustain any serious damage, the same cannot be said for me. The bills are over $30,000.00 and counting. I managed to spend more in medical treatment in three seconds than the amount of take-home pay I will bring in this year. Is that reasonable?? Are you kidding?? But I am fotunate enough to have a job that has amazing benefits, and because of that, I will be okay. Three seconds could jeopardize my entire financial future. That is absurd, particularly in a society that has so many resources. I am pretty sure neither the nurses, the radiologists, the doctors, or the physcial therapists are making that kind of money that demands such a price tag. Where the heck does it all go??

I am catching up, but that has meant that I missed a conference I had planned to attend; in addition I am  having some minor issues with the skull fractures and sinuses right now, so, at the suggestion of my medical team, I do not want to fly. So the trip to Pennsylvania is shelved until a later time.

This afternoon I am being inducted into a National Honor Society for quality teaching. I have not felt like a quality teacher this semester has I have been struggling to keep up. I am dropping assignments for my students today and most of the night. I could use a week of predictability, a week that would be no additional duties, no meetings, no classes and just let me do my work. However, I can predict with great certainy that will not happen! I was surprised to be nominated for this society because I had such a difficult first couple years here. Indeed, that seems like a long time ago, but the consequences of that experience have had long term consequences, like no promotion and a choice to not even attempt such a thing this year. However, I am also much more comfortable where I am in all of that and how things are going over all. I have a colleague this year who is new and she and I have been friends long before we ended up at Stout together. She is having a long semester and we have had many chats.

As far as predictability in my personal life; I do not even attempt to figure out how I might accomplish such a thing. The trip to California had both predictability and some surprises. Likewise responses since or lack of responses on more than one front have been both predictable and surprising. In the terms of people, no big surprises, but that does not make it any more enjoyable. Not getting something shipped for two weeks has been a surprise, but I do not know what to do with that. As far as the rest of life, even things here are always surprising, but through it all, I can only say: I am FINE.

Thanks for reading,

Michael

Hello,

I do apologize that it has been some time since I posted. The cycke accident has had some long-term consequences. I was not able to do much on the computer for a couple weeks and then I was buried and I am still digging my way out. My students have been quite understanding and I am grateful to them for that.

The last month has been an interesting process. I am still trying to get out from underneath all the work that I got behind. I am almost there. I did make it to California for a weekend and spent a lot of time listening and reflecting on the summer situations, at the vineyard and beyond. I am quite frustrated with the results of some writing that was done and how it ended up. I am certainly not happy with the result, but the product was the result of bad project management and an unwillingness to re-think that process, or perhaps an arrogance in thinking that the process and the software is understood when it really isn’t. Ultimately the result was consistent with what happens on almost any scale when people are included or deleted in the process and time schedules are not followed. It is unfortunate because everyone looks bad, and that is certainly not what anyone intended.

As one of my high school friends wrote in an email at the end of the summer ‘Well… I’ve waited long enough and have been faithfully reading your summer blog and am absolutely dying to hear the story about the lady and little boy in the Starbucks!!!  Have you found the love of your life?~?~" Such a hard thing to decipher, particularly when things are so complicated on a multitude of levels. Indeed, I care deeply, and yet the weekend was a chance to sort somethings out. The care has not changed, but a cleared understanding of some of the complications certainly resulted as I listened, watched and considered the issues.

One of the things the motorcycle accident taught me was to manage some options concering my health, primarily in the area of medication. I have been doing anything but taking medication. Well, perhaps not "anything," but most definitely healthy things. I wish I could import that into the situation in Placerville. But, I know I cannot. One of the hardest things for me to do is to not try to fix it for another person, but that behavior is not healthy for me and certainly not fair to the other.

Fall is certainly in the air. Last Saturday was a beautiful day, but since then it has been chilly and rainy. Most of the leaves are down, few colors remain and they even blew out and winterized the sprinkler system this morning. So . . .  the next hurrah is winter and snow. I got new brakes on the car to help prepare for that.

Well . . .  the picture, again, is of me and showing where I am now. More doctors appointments tomorrow, but I cannot complain. I will be better about writing.

Michael